Haplessly flaunting their love of live music the Bull and Gate promoters eat, drink and sleepwalk through each weeks events.

Phil – Nov 26-Dec 2

Firstly my apologies to Phnom Penh who have already sent in a sirguested entry for the diary, but I’m afraid I wasn’t at the gig, though I’m sure I would have been impressed.

Tuesday 27th Stephen Nancy favour the direct approach, a deliberate no thrill’s rhythm section hammers along some jagged buzzcock punk. Improbable talent of the week comes from Kidkhula, who’s singer takes a Hamlet moment, smoking a cigar through his ear. Cracked, laid back melodic rock craftsman are followed by Kandinsky ‘s jazzamataz. They’re a big hit with the ladies, who seem to want them to play all night.

Wednesdays 28th

Probe music, champions of the edgier side of the indie spectrum, put on a distinguished line up headed by Ursa. I spend the evening stuck on train due to, `a horse on the line’.

Thursday 29th

Canadian’s Invisible Inc open the evening with some melodious country rock. Charlie 7 make a night of it, power pop shanagins ago go. There seems to be an upturn in the fortunes of Dead on Holiday, the ranks of their audience have swelled considerably. They acquit themselves admirably with a clutch of radio friendly rock anthems. Reece and their audience are legend, but this is the first chance I’ve had to see the boys and they’re reel pro’s. Friday 30th

Things get a little fraught, bands with drum kits can be a touch illusive. Whites Bizarre step in at short notice for a cheeky three song set. My Pet Junkie do the new grebo shuffle to much audience adulation. The well-oiled industrial rock machine of Bent USA does it’s best to worry the b+g ‘s moral minority. It all paves the way for the return of the Fighting Cocks; a band dedicated to leading children astray. The theme to Zulu gets served up, Toni Basil style, by girls in basks waving pom poms, accompanied by a guitarist who runs about haemorrhaging white noise. I think they may have done a line dance number to boot.

Sat 1 Dec

I can be a creature of habit, so again it’s a fry up at the Calvary café and a trip to the Forum Tunbridge Wells. On offer new fare from a Mk4 Joeyfat `hardcore heros’ return with flying V’s to test new material, as one insightful lady observed `you can’t dance to it’. The 45’s put in a definitive industry pleasing set. Clearlake headline, the promoters dad turns out to be a big fan and a lovely chap…can I buy you a beer? Psychedelic pop bringing generations together.

Sun 2 Dec

Another hard rock Sunday, Day 13 get us underway, rifola, baseball caps and a cover of Aha’s Take on me. Some can be a little reluctant to rock, not Mathias, chest-beating metal from the dark side with no apologies. I ‘m trouble that a rock act should have a name that rhymes with trouser, but Frowser turn out to be an unusually dynamic band. Some satisfying hooks, the odd engaging twist and an inventive drummer. A bit more focus in performance could go a long way; you want to see them play like their lives depend on it.

Andy – Nov 19th to 25th.

Get the violins out. One, two, three and….. Well its been one of those weeks where you learn that you just cant keep everybody happy, no matter how hard you try! Fade the violins into background, and….

Tuesday 20 It started at a medium pace with a night of metal meandering. Paradis played their first gig. It lasted 20 minutes and seemed to impress their mates.

A Moral Victory got little else in a half empty room. Hubris made a sub Sub Humans sort of noise and the chorus of one of their songs went “I want you to die” x 4, nice people I’m sure. Headliners Red Star 11 couldn’t seem to decide on whether they wanted to be Sound Garden or Bon Jovi as the evening drew to a close. I left the building thinking of starting my own scrap metal business.

Thursday 22

And an admin error has meant two bands of the same name have turned up at the venue!

Applications for the position of new company PA in writing to 389 Kentish Town Road.

The night starts off in splendid fashion with Pellethead. They sound like The White Stripes with a bit of Pussy Galore chucked in. They’re going to be a hard act to follow and that proves to be the case. Marlowe the 1st who were supposed to be tonight’s only Marlowe have made a long journey from Liverpool to play at The B&G; tonight. A healthy crowd has gathered to greet them and they play a strange but interesting combination of Bogshed meets Tindersticks meets James Brown.

Cordisto are third and wade through a brittle sounding Pixies inspired half-hour.

Akitura are next and play their straight edge brand of Power Prog Nu(ish)-Metal rock for nearly half an hour and are not happy bunnies at the climax.

“We were supposed to headline, we got our set cut short, Our drummers gonna hit some one in a minute, ” Moan, moan, moan. Sorry, sorry, sorry. They played for twenty-six minutes after a six minute delay at the start of their set whilst they were setting up.

I originally told Marlowe 2 that there was no chance of squeezing them in and it was just an unfortunate cock up. I mean if some-one sent you a letter saying Come and join the ‘Local Poop Scoop Appreciation Society’ three weeks today, totally out of the blue, would you just cancel all other plans and go.

Marlowe 2 did, even though Ipswich Town were playing Inter Milan in the UEFA cup for the first and probably last time ever, and the singer was a Tractor Boy!

I’d been informed that all the other bands had been consulted and they’d all only be ‘to happy’ to help squeeze Marlowe 2 in. All that is except for Akitura, who didn’t have a clue what was going on until it was too late. The second Marlowe of the night finally took to the stage and took the graveyard slot to the extreme.

“We’ve got loads of people coming down, you’ve got to squeeze us in” Ten punters and the living dead dance on a table much to the Landlords annoyance.

Not a night to remember and not a good advert for the venue, Hey-Ho lets go! Ipswich do beat Inter Milan though.

Saturday 24 It’s amazing what a few beers and a Millwall home defeat can do for you. I seem to have drunk half the Becks Brewery during the afternoon and Terrashima turn out to be the perfect prescription for a pissed up, football fatigued gibbering wreck.

Its Ramones meets The Stooges, the full works. The most rockin’ sound in the Bull & Gate since Malowski almost six weeks ago, Brilliant stuff. Mendoza are second tonight and what they lack in Terrashima’s brutally endearing raggedness they make up for in Fugazi style tightness and composer. Well polished XFM A-list friendly fare me thinks. Gertrude play third and open with a tribute to Kicks Joy Darkness who they were due to play with originally tonight.

Tonight’s gig with Kicks Joy had already been re-scheduled for the New Year due to Kicks Joy’s recording commitments. Tragically three members of Kicks Joy Darkness were killed in a car crash two weeks ago in Italy. All at the Bull & Gate would like to join Gertrude in expressing their deepest sympathies at this tragic loss of life, talent and friendship. All else seems meaningless at this sad news.

Gertrude play to yet another packed house. The news of the Gertrude thang is spreading and the Gertrude massive is justified. They bob and pout and jump and jive. They have clarinets, a cello, loud distorted guitars and they share the vocal duties. It’s an awesome sound when it hits full throttle. The Slits and X-Ray Spex meets Fugazi (again, I’ve obviously been listening to The Argument too much in recent weeks!). I urge you to go and see Gertrude for yourselves, you’ll love it or hate it, theres no in-betweens, which is just how we like it down the B&G.;

Planquez head tonight’s line up and bring the curtain down on my musical week.

They’ve had a bit of a ‘mare on the road, taking over three hours to arrive from Brighton. They’ve missed their soundcheck.

Formerly the Pushkins, Planquez are seasoned campaigners and seem relatively unfazed and subsequently belt out a great forty minutes of hypnotically absorbing meaty math rock, Shellac meets Can. Unfortunately the singer sees fit to bemoan the amount of bands on the bill and their set length from the stage at the death. Oh dear, what was I saying about keeping everybody happy.

Phil – Nov 19th to 25th

The Bull & Gate was dragged into the heated debate over the legalisation of cannabis this week. A reporter from the NME, seeking the policy that the venue would adopt was told by the landlady, `we’d probably ask them to leave’. I don’t suppose a venue could survive on sales of scampi fries alone. Munch on.

Mon 19th

The delicately named Egotestical get things underway. Two young ladies from Milton keynes with an older brother on drums. They playing pop rock with exuberance and a considerable competence. They took a particular shine to Tommy the potboy `that bloke looks like Yoda’. Power trios ago-go Doingod are a band with a lot more experience and have a sound akin to New York’s first new wave, hints of Patti Smith and Television.

Pissing on candles seems to be a popular pursuit of the new metal massive and Rapeseed don’t disappoint. Adopting the favoured double vocalist formation they holler & wail tails of, erm, candles being pissed on. It’s a bit daft but they’re powerful and there’s signs of promise. Seems like some one pissed in D.monic’s matchbox, nothing comes together for them.

Thursday 15th

No studded dog collars, wallets on a chain or huge pigeon street flares and no one asks to have the b+g stamp on their forehead. Joe’s Comforters play a bass heavy blues in the Birthday party tradition, it’s their farewell gig and they make the most of it. Idiot Bear step in at a week’s notice for Japan’s Peach, it’s classic melodic rock. Then we hit some real heavy stuff. Tixe take the notion of a power trio to an ultimate extreme. We’re talking New York’s underground at its Swans era dissonant peak. Seeking to tie noise and wistful melody to some dance inspired rhythms Resist sound is toughing up and growing more focused. Still the classic backs to the audience stance.

Fri 16th

Another trip across the river for some Monty magic (Montague Arms) and one of the most popular nights so far. Circa ‘s rock credentials go as far as coming from Sidcup, they favour an up beat brand of new wave pop that keeps my Sidcup rock trivia at bay. Nervous Ice Mummy and Chrome Hoof are here to herald their double-headed single. It’s where Kraut rock meets Stoner rock and rides an autobahn out of Stone Henge. Chrome Hoof emerge in druid robes to the beat of a kettledrum. Chewy fuzz bass powering a groove that’s helped along by congas, a bassoon and a hard-boiled egg. Not wanting to be out done in the unconventional instrument stakes, Nervous Ice Mummy tickle a theremin, then pull out a metal detector played against a metal plate on the bassist back. Throw in hypnotic chants and tunes, and some how it all begins to make sense.

Sat 17th

As if I’m going to be deprived of my quota of live music for the week, I make a visit to my local, The Forum Tunbridge Wells, for some of that new rock action. Hundred Reasons are there displaying their preference for seventies footballer hairstyles and catchy emo rock. They of course sing it like they mean it, what ever it is. The place is packed.

Sun 18th

Dismal weather and 8 ways to loose have car cash, no one is hurt, but they don’ t make the gig. Harpies have been generating considerable attention in rock circles. With a demo that’s won them Black Sabbaths back line and a load of airplay on, ‘the nations favourite’, radio one. They’re a young band from Birmingham fronted by two girls who bounce growls and sweet harmonies over a stop start juggernaut racket. They need some time to grow into their ideas, lets hope people don’t expect too much too soon. Biomechanical come from distinctly darker times, when straight edge meant a ruler and haircut meant mullet. Their singer resembles Frank Zappa or that bloke from Wizard squealing on helium. Lots of guitar solos and gurning, an epic rendition of `Creeping Death’ with spinal, locked in the capsule, technical hitch moments, classic rock.

Andy 5 Nov to 11

Mon5

It’s not all sex, drugs and Rock’n’Roll being a music promoter you know. There, just thought I’d get that one off me chest. I’m late, again! This is getting more like being on report at school, forced to sign in to scupper a chain smoking and Tipex thinners sess behind the bike shed. Then its off home for a peek at a bootleg video before your Mum gets home from the Bingo, Animal Farm and not George Orwells version. Still enough of what Phil used to get up to in his school days, where was I? Oh yeah late for The International Language Of Mime and the B&G; is bloody heaving for a Monday night. Red Jetson have just finished their set as well so I’m double late! “Sack the slack bastard” I hear you cry! “But I was in the office working hard on the B&G; website, I lost track of the time, it wont happen again, honest” I protest (fingers crossed) innocently. Theres a lovely new Montague Arms page on the way. And it wasn’t all my fault, bleedin’ Arse had rearranged a Worthless cup game with ManUre and Holloway Road was jammed.

Anyway I did see The Shards, Meninblack, shades of Symposium, very energetic stuff. Mostar were the headliners and by this time the B&G; was nearly full, Monday night bonanza! Theres a bit of a Seventeen Seconds Cure sounding guitar sound going on and a bit of a PJ Harvey feel to their set. It’s their first gig and they even get an encore. In a rare twist of fate I don’t get another gig to go to until Friday, three nights without a gig to go to! Time to dust down the PS2 and see if I can finally get past level three on Medal Of Honour.

Fri 9

Without to much digression I should point out that due to a person splattered under a train at New Cross Gate I didn’t arrive at the Montague Arms until late. So forgive me if my recollection of the evenings events are a little tainted. Two hours stuck on a crowded train adjacent to Millwall FC with a carriage full of ‘Blitz Spirited’ commuters all smiling and joking as if this was one big adventure. Now I know what its like to be part of the TV audience for Noels House Party.

I finally arrive at The Monty having been fleeced by a black cab driver for £13 to be driven very slowly from London Bridge to New Cross! I sink a very large Jack Daniels in record time. Mower are on stage shouting and wailing all out of tune. They are short notice replacements for Squarehip, unavailable tonight because of a sudden move of house, Hope they find it soon. Your Highness are second and make a solid Pixie’s inspired racket. Finally McFly play some up beat and powerful Supergrass/Muse type stuff. I later pass out after a glass of Ricard and spend an uncomfortable night on some-ones floor in Peckham. What did I say about it not all being sex, drugs and Rock’n’Roll!

Sat 10

My night off, so its up to Kentish Town for a gig! Not the B&G; but to The Forum to see The Mighty New Fall. I pop into the B&G; for a pre-gig bevy and hear how Friday nights gig thanks to The Howard Brown Super Sound was completely sold out and that The Candys enticed the whole of the music industry along, including The Dandy Warhols. One Kentish Town bound Scud missile and we could have changed, err no I’ll end that sentence there I think. I check out a bit of The Agents before I pop next door, lively sounding techno pop. An hour and a bit later and I’m back to catch the end of Miss Black America, a fizzing energy packed whirlwind of a band, lots of sweat, fast guitars and CD sales. JUB Noise hammer us with some heavy sub bass, repetitive bleeps and techno screeches for about twenty five minutes before a technical hitch brings the set to an early climax. I play my new Fall CD between the bands a then stagger off towards East London a very happy man.

Sun 11

Another short notice cancellation this time by The Hot Spring Healers leaves Sunday’s easy listening line up somewhat depleted. “Sorry we got to help Squarehip find a missing house” or something.

It’s the calm after the storm, it’s an empty ship after the shipwreck and I’m Robinson Cruesoe. Deserted on a deserted Island with Corman and The Wall Chasers. The Wall Chasers had press ganged a few strays but Cormans press ganging technique obviously leaves a lot to be desired. You need proper wooden baseball bats for a successful press ganging, not inflatable ones from the local joke shop!

Sometimes you need to take your commitments a little more seriously if you want to be taken seriously yourself. Rescue comes in the form of the last District line train to Upminster.

Phil -Oct 29 to Nov 4

It ‘s been a bit of an odd week, mysterious disappearances of bands, vanishing audiences, Halloween night went missing altogether. Some pumpkins did turn up on Sunday, the band were playing them.

Mon 29th

No one knows what happened to Porn Star, caught in a Bermuda band triangle may be? Ye Wiles manage to make the treacherous journey up from the nether reaches of Kent. Purveyors of spikey ska pop they augment their fidgety rhythms with flailing fiddle and dreadlocks. Bernard follow up with a weighty performance. Imagine Portishead casting aside the film noir and getting Geezer Butler in on bass. Quite a frightening prospect, but a lot more pleasing than it sounds.

Fri 2nd

It’s a while till I’m back at the B+G, someone managed to mislay the middle of the week, most unfortunate. Fast Food open things up with abundant optimism, bass lines like rubber bands and vocals looking to nail a hook. Kauai come from Manchester but have attracted a respectable audience. They take the stage with considerable confidence and put in a crafted display of promising pop talent, sharp dressers to boot. Bargain have been about for a while, but this is my first chance to see them. There’s a lot of atmospheric noise generated topped off with a Bob Mould vocal, they’re not bad.

Sun 4th

Bull + Gate bastion of pasty, shuffling, drippy nose guitar bands? Well not always. Zimbarema play what would look like hollowed out pumpkins, some sort of thumb piano action. It ‘s the sort of African roots style music that saw Andy Kershaws move to Radio 3. There’s not a big crowd , but they all seem compelled to dance, I’m even seen to nod vaguely in time.

Inspired to seek out new musical territory, I tuned in to Radio 3 on my drive home, what do I get? A live broadcast of noisy guitar types Trans – am. It’ s been an odd week.

Andy 22 – 28 October

Tuesday 23

Clare Sturgess always seems to be playing tunes by bands who’ve recently played at The B&G; just as I’m parking up outside the place! Black Nielson this time but I cant stop for a listen cause I’m late for Shadowfax its nearly 9 o’clock.

Panting for breath it takes me the duration of a song to recover from my hundred yard dash from outside The Forum and into the back room of the B&G;, must get round to joining the local gym. “Thankyou, goodnight, we were Shadowfax”

Bollix! Too late, sorry Shadowfax.

I retire for a short stint on the door with a kebab and a pint and wait for tonight’s second offering Lux.

Tommy the pot man’s incessant ramblings about Arsenal’s stunning Champions League form drive me into the back room prematurely to be greeted by a quick burst of ‘Older Lover’ by The Fall on the mini disc player, there is a god. Complete with Lydia Lunch lookalike singer and hyper active pogoing snake charmer Lux bounce enthusiastically through some very up beat psychedelic punk pop.

The crowd swells a little and Arsenal are losing, there is definitely a god. If The Male Nurse who played the B&G; a year or two ago and were described as ‘early Fall meets late Fall round at mark E Smiths house in Edinburgh’ then tonight’s third act The Park are ‘Early Fall meets mid Fall, meets late Fall and all the bits in between round at Mark E Smiths house in Brighton. They are infact so close to a Fall tribute band that I thought they were playing ‘Lot Of Wind’ at one point. The singer wore an MES type leather jacket and a Suicide T-shirt, obviously a man of immense taste. Funny old world, if we’d have promoted The Park as a Fall tribute band the venue may have been full. As it is it’s barely a quarter full. Wonder if Gods a Fall fan.

The German exchange are last and the crowd really has swelled now and the back room is busy with that ‘First gig air of uncertainty and expectancy’ hanging in the air. Mums, Dads, Uncles, Girlfriends, Great Grand Parents and lairy under age younger brothers now roam the building. Three out of tune guitars build up a head of steam accompanied by three wannabe lead singers. Bargain! two bands for the price of one, but one tiny flaw, they’re playing at the same time. They are a Siamese band in need of a minor op, nothing to serious just the severance of a guitarist or two and the odd singer. Arsenal get a jammy last minute goal to go through to the next stage of the Champions League, there can’t be a God after all, Pah!

Thursday 25th

Airglow are on stage and are fronted by an American sounding beauty in a dress made for a bit part on The Waltons. They drift through some vaguely 4AD sounding soft rock.

I remember tonight’s bill as a carefully crafted promoting masterpiece about a month ago before a plague of limp wristed drummers, last minute .com holidays and irreparable short notice musical differences swept the booking sheet. Enter The Raconteurs. Thirty minutes of conventional 3-piece fretwork homework later and exit The Raconteurs.

Airman are third and play a set of energetic Placebo/Lemonheads type pop. Its racy and ramshackle and the singer looks like Dougie Howzer, maybe he could operate on The German Exchange.

Ciccone, who if memory serves me correctly were who tonight’s bill was originally built around amble on stage probably feeling a bit like a bunch of Millwall supporters at a CND rally. Ciccone play a sharp edged blend of nu-punk. Tonight their show resembles an infant throwing a tantrum in a playpen angrily tossing its toys over the sides until there are no more toys to abuse. Its loud, it’s out of control and its funny to whach. Ciccone are anarchy for the prepubescent, punk rock with a hubba bubba snarl and stick on tattoos.

The night ends with a feeling of what could have been and what should have been, oh well we can’t win ’em all, like bloody Arsenal.

Saturday 27th

And Its Fortuna Pop! night tonight with Natalie Imbruglia’s favourite Oz indie pop band The Lucksmiths headlining. Shame Natalie is’nt here, but nevermind, you can’t have everything. Fortuna Pop! nights often sell out and tonight is to be no exception. The doors are shut at about 9-30pm with Darren Hefner just sneaking in as the last Lucky Lucksmiths fan tonight. I could just make out the sounds of Partition, distorted guitar and Pete Shelly sounding singer from my position on the door before the chattering masses swallowed any lingering sound seepage from the back room. It’s all hands on deck for a sell out show and I don’t get to see a single band. I spend the evening handing out Roses (the chocolates that is) and Lucksmiths button badges to the disappointed late comers we have to turn away at the door. It’s a pleasant crowd on the whole and the night has a good vibe. I see faces from the past, bands I can’t place, Close Lobsters, The Chesterfields, Felt, 12, 13, 14 or was it 15 Ice Bears? All the types who seem to influence the Fortuna Pop! gang. For the record the bill was Partition, Slip Slide, Airport Girl and The Lucksmiths.

Phil 15th – 21st October

Do I get to meet anyone famous? There is usually a distinct lack of paparazzi huddling outside the b+g and this week was no exception. Nicole Kidman did, apparently, turn up at the barfly the other day.` hello love, didn’t you use to be in the BMX bandits?’

Tue 16th Oct

Some older viewers may remember Nub, the very quiet / very loud band. They ‘ve mutated into The Seals and at first glance it appears an experiment in cloning. There’s loads of them, all singing, all guitar playing, all wearing tank tops and all looking like late Beach Boy Dennis Wilson. Strange forces are at work; someone in the audience is smoking a pipe grandad style. The heavy / light theme remains but there’s now more pop continuity.

August strip to the waist for some Welsh rock built on chuggy pixies bass. Then things get very odd. ` Single mother, single mother, I don’t want another brother’, signs of a troubled childhood may be? It’s Herman rocking at midpace. There’s a song `you drill a hole in my head’, possibly about trepanning. One to an imaginary friend, `Fuck off!’.`No, you fuck off!’ and a pants showing paddy. They all look like Noel Edmonds.

Wed 17th Oct

More Tea Vicar? Perhaps not, there’s something funny in the water. Two of the audience get on stage for a `Chicken Tonight’ dance routine. Unfazed Leafeater take to the stage, a power trio in Don Estel’s shorts, with a large nod to the Wonder Stuff, the boys are here to entertain you. Babyfood serve up some eyeliner angst rock, then the pace mellows.

Kandinsky have drum solos, guitar solos and a packed auditorium, but rocking isn’t on the agenda. Virtuoso jazz pop remernisant of Joe Jackson is the order of the day; education is a marvellous thing.

Frith Oct We had a band called The Courtesy Group play a while back and everyone said Andy would love them. They played again on Thursday and when I get to the office the next day he’s got a pretty big grin on his face.

Sat 20th Oct Its indie in a bag from Remus. Empirical have a spars, mid west, wind swept style. It’s a considered sound with a distinct vocal delivery. A lady with a big voice and shadow boxer swerves belts it out over junk wax’s taut funk bass.

Ever wanted to be on top of the pops? Cribabi feature a chap from Fine Young Cannibals, a sprite like girl singer from Japan and some session muso types. May sound like a recipe for some mid morning talk show appearances, but they’re really on the money. Lots of knotty rhythms and unabashed showmanship. Sometimes entertainment’s all you need.

Andy – 8th to 14th October

Tuesday 9th

Paradox might sound like a new soothing foam bath mixture but are in fact a soft rock trio from just down the road. The singer possesses an angelic meandering type of voice and as their set unfolds it becomes apparent that they are also from the middle of the road just down the road.

Candy Anagram sprint into life from their 9-15 starting blocks. Spiralling OMD like keyboards whirr around some very energetic, upbeat numbers. The keyboard player jigs about like a blind fold whiz fiend trying to pin a tail on an imaginary donkey. They are a polished act and entertain the somewhat humble turn out.

Ker-Chang! Thump! Stillmans Plates are on stage, the singer’s guitar crashes to his feet, another cheap second hand guitar strap from Cash Converters strikes again.

“Even the fat punk’s walked out” observes the sound engineer as indeed a large spiky haired combat clad gentleman follows most of the evening’s audience out to the bar.

Stillmans Plates seem to have forgotten that they are playing a gig tonight and have mistaken the Bull and Gate stage for a rehearsal room. It’s a loose bass, drums and metal guitar thrash.

Just as it seems that they are saving the barstaff a clearing out job at the end of the night in bounces a dozen or so Japanese language students. One of the band members must be a foreign language teacher. I head for home with a Half Man Half Biscuit B-Side forming in my head.

Thursday 11th

“Nar na nar na nar na” Juno Pixie seem to be singing about bananas. They’re a bright and breezy affair and remind me a little of Lamb and a lot more of The Field Mice or perhaps The Lightening Seeds. They play music that your Mum might quite like. A sizeable and enthusiastic crowd shows its appreciation.

20 Racine are up next and play music that your Mum probably wouldn’t like. It sounds dark and at times extremely menacing. A distorted guitar grates over a barrage of scratches and samples. The singer has gravel tones that even Tom Waites would have to admire.

Lo-Fi Sci-Fi sounding blips and bleeps punctuate a mix of spaced out dance rhythms and pulsating beats. They’re well worth further ear damage and the thirty minutes fly by.

The Skinny Millionaires take to the stage to a John Barry soundtrack, they launch into a rousing rock’n’roll instrumental full of Dwaine Eddie guitar twangs.

“This is a public information announcement with guitars” Singer Dave Bickley hollers. The band then lunge into a captivatingly absorbing ‘Nick Cave, Henrys Dream’ inspired sounding set. It’s turning into a night to remember as Will from I’ Ludicrous pops in with some German friends to check out the action. Finally Anarchic Hand take to the stage. They are a young bunch and seem to be caught somewhere between a ‘Travis’ and a ‘Goth’ place. They have time on their side.

Friday 12th

It’s my night off and I’m in The Bull & Gate! sad or sadistic? I’ll let you decide.

I’m here to check out Nero Burns . I arrive at nearly 11pm and he’s on stage. There are people in the audience with quiffs large enough to nest golden eagles. It’s The Cramps doing the Stray Cat Strut. They have a stand up drummer and play distorted rockabilly psycho blues, it rocks! I leave feeling like I’ve had a night out and not a late night at the office.

Saturday 13th

Submatrix are tonight’s openers and come from ooo aarrr Somerset. They brew up a scrumptious, high volume barrel of sonic pop. All those pent up cream teas certainly seem to have created a monster. They are blistering tonight and really set a high standard on the ‘do they rock?’ scale.

Experiences like Malowski come around sadly all too rarely. Try to imagine Fugazi playing Fall classics such as ‘Hip Priest’ or ‘Eat Yourself Fitter’ and throw in a bit of skate punk and your close.

Stop, start tunes, rattling guitars, the song structures creek precariously close to breakdown and then..Whack! on go the pedals and we have lift off to planet extreme fuzz terror. There are some angry lyrics being thrown into the Malowski cauldron of hate, like Meths to a raging fire. They blaze furiously at tonight’s crowd and rather than leaving a warm glow they leave scorch marks.

The highlight of the Birdhouse set was when the guitarist broke a string and the drummer cracked a few jokes.

Nevermind though because Dropsonic followed and raised the mood again with a rip roaring flying v style Indie rock set. Theres a dog in Brighton minus its studded collar tonight, its being worn by Dropsonics singer. They play to a good crowd and Winalotte of new friends tonight. Get it? Winalotte? No?, oh well perhaps I should learn a few side splitters from Birdhouse’s drummer.

Phil 1-7 October

Of course music can be a serious business. I saw something on telly a while back where an undercover reporter was propelled through the land of the Taliban in a doormobile that echoed to the illicit sounds of the Venga boys.What would they lop off for that, one hand or two?

Monday 1/Tuesday 2

`Eight? There’s ten people in there!’ Weave kicked off the week, a capable if earnest pop ensemble. The beginning of the week was a touch slow, with some exceptions. Barfly staved off imminent legal action to deliver the chipper sound of clean cut collage boys. Sound Cartel induced disturbing flashbacks to mullet era McCartny ‘s` Jet’. two hands two feet. Smallville Flash utilised the extended Lemmy mike stand style and dispensed with those stayed standard tunings.

Tuesday 25th

International Harry are making a solid and competent guitar pop noise to accompany my shish kebab. Seems to go down ok, Kentish delight do a lovely Chicken Shish.

Ten o’clock and the evening seems to be flying by. There’s a good crowd in and Fail Safe are on stage. Four lads who met at Ipswich University are playing some slightly disjointed but nonetheless pleasant sounding guitar pop. They share vocals between an Ashley from Coronation Street lookalike and a bloke in an ‘I Love Kylie’ T-shirt. The Ashley lookalike twiddles one to many guitar solo’s for my liking but on the whole they make a reasonable racket.

Police and Thieves are tonight’s headliners and take to the stage and are greeted by an enthusiastic crowd. Someone’s been stealing their older brother’s record collection it would seem. They look about twenty and they all look like they should have bit parts in Quadraphinia! The frontman sounds like a snarling version of the singer from The Beat The band hammer out some great sounding punky Ska riffs somewhere between The Clash and very early Jam. The sizeable crowd go home happy.

Wednesday 25th

As I pull up outside The Forum I hesitate to turn off my ignition because Human Fly by the Cramps is playing on my tape. Walking into the Bull and Gate I’m thinking well the first band don’t stand a chance now with Poison Ivy’s guitar still fizzing in my head. The first band tonight are Bird. The room is packed and low and behold theres a girl dressed in leather hot pants and fishnets playing a distorted hell raising guitar just like Poison Ivy, amazing coincidence! Bird are obviously enjoying themselves grrrl power etc. The singer bobbing about with a big smile plastered across her face as she sings some great throw away lines.

Vodkadog then woo the healthy Wednesday rabble with some very XFM friendly sounding grunge pop. Very entertaining and extremely deafening.

Last up tonight we have The waltz. “They’re like the strokes” an ill informed or obviously completely deaf record scout tells me on his way in at the door.

They’re blokes and that’s where similarities with the strokes end. In fact forget The Strokes they were Penthouse, very loud, a sort of trash blues experience with all the chaos of an early Gallon Drunk gig.

Thursday 26th

and a trip south of the river to The Montague Arms. It’s a great pub, they once interviewed Mark E Smith, Shane Mcgowan and Nick Cave in here all at the same time for the NME. Imagine walking into your local boozer for a lunch time pint and seeing that lot soaking up the ale. You might as well give up straight away and look for another pub. Anyway it’s almost as bad when The Brain Of Morbius hole up in a pub, but thankfully they leave a little beer for the punters.

First up here are Vibe Factory formerly known as Distract Vibes, they’re from Rotterdam. They are a male/female duo and they play an intriguingly intense but brittle sounding set. It seems improv and the singer Wally, an ex Feyenoord football hooligan (allegedly!), has the audience on their toes with some very strange vocals. He seems to be mumbling to himself feverishly, it’s enthralling and at times a bit disturbing.

Brain Of Morbius are always a treat, Singer Bones bashing himself over the head with a metal tray whilst singing about music written backwards for the violin. Even more disturbing I think you’ll agree.

Sunday 30th

and back at The Bull and Gate for a metal flavoured night.

Goatboy get us under way, they’ve made the trip from Wales. A very energetic and lively frontman roars into a microphone that looks like it was made on the great egg race. A DJ scratches and injects random samples into the songs at will. They rock, and hold the Sunday throng well.

Day 13 are middle tonight and make a heavy grunge metal growling sound. The singer hunched double for most of the set, seemingly clutching his stomach, must have had a pizza slice off of one of those street stalls in Camden before the show. He hollers into the Mic as the band rumble through some gut wrenching numbers.

Finally we have Intoxica, two glamour goths front the band. They look like they long since missed the last boat across the black lagoon. They remind us all that yes, The Mission did actually exist. Black dreams tonight people. I’m off home and straight to bed and I’m not even going to take my mascara off! Rock n Roll!

PHIL – 17th to 23rd September 2001

A stable diet of Kentish town takeaways, enough passive smoking to equal a 60 a day habit and unending sympathy for the terrible fates that await our drumming friends. Just a few of the pleasures of making those rock’n’roll dreams come true. Fair few B+G regulars this week but my first chance to see Sparking Toys, something I was nearly denied by the reluctance of modern technology. Couldn’t whistle any of their tunes, no idea what they were singing about but they sounded great and carried it off in sparkly outfits with the odd cowboy hat.