October 2001

Phil

Of course music can be a serious business. I saw something on telly a while back where an undercover reporter was propelled through the land of the Taliban in a doormobile that echoed to the illicit sounds of the Venga boys.What would they lop off for that, one hand or two?

Monday 1st/Tuesday 2nd -Phil

`Eight? There’s ten people in there!’ Weave kicked off the week, a capable if earnest pop ensemble. The beginning of the week was a touch slow, with some exceptions. Barfly staved off imminent legal action to deliver the chipper sound of clean cut collage boys. Sound Cartel induced disturbing flashbacks to mullet era McCartny ‘s` Jet’. two hands two feet. Smallville Flash utilised the extended Lemmy mike stand style and dispensed with those stayed standard tunings.

Wednesday 4/Thursday 5 -Phil

Mcfly apparently did the business midweek, but things were going to get a bit hazy. Another year older and perhaps a little wiser. I did at least opt out of the phal curry sauce-eating contest, which left others sitting on the Japanese flag.

Friday 6th -Phil

Time off from the B+G on Friday and a trip south of the river to the Montague Arms, perhaps the strangest pub in London. `Is that two stuffed zebras riding in a horse drawn carriage?” Well, yes. As you would expect,a top international bill, Winter Brief from the United States, Scintilla from Streatham and Gertrude bringing us their battering sonics with oboe.

Saturday 7th -Phil

First night of `Club Useless’ on Saturday. Ricky Spontane and the Teen Beat, two B + G favourites sandwiching two Liverpool newcomers. The diminutive Flamingo 50 punctuated proceeding with some solid punk punch. GG Action, saucy lasses in black plastic dresses singing `Dirty Girls’ to a Mo tucker beat with a wink. Spontane got geriatric pot boy Tommy gurgling along, `And you don’t want me and you don’t want me, no one ever wants me,’ like it was written for him, may be it was?

Tuesday 9th -Andy

Paradox might sound like a new soothing foam bath mixture but are in fact a soft rock trio from just down the road. The singer possesses an angelic meandering type of voice and as their set unfolds it becomes apparent that they are also from the middle of the road just down the road.

Candy Anagram sprint into life from their 9-15 starting blocks. Spiralling OMD like keyboards whirr around some very energetic, upbeat numbers. The keyboard player jigs about like a blind fold whiz fiend trying to pin a tail on an imaginary donkey. They are a polished act and entertain the somewhat humble turn out.

Ker-Chang! Thump! Stillmans Plates are on stage, the singer’s guitar crashes to his feet, another cheap second hand guitar strap from Cash Converters strikes again. “Even the fat punk’s walked out” observes the sound engineer as indeed a large spiky haired combat clad gentleman follows most of the evening’s audience out to the bar. Stillmans Plates seem to have forgotten that they are playing a gig tonight and have mistaken the Bull and Gate stage for a rehearsal room. It’s a loose bass, drums and metal guitar thrash.

Just as it seems that they are saving the barstaff a clearing out job at the end of the night in bounces a dozen or so Japanese language students. One of the band members must be a foreign language teacher. I head for home with a Half Man Half Biscuit B-Side forming in my head.

Thursday 11th

“Nar na nar na nar na” Juno Pixie seem to be singing about bananas. They’re a bright and breezy affair and remind me a little of Lamb and a lot more of The Field Mice or perhaps The Lightening Seeds. They play music that your Mum might quite like. A sizeable and enthusiastic crowd shows its appreciation.

20 Racine are up next and play music that your Mum probably wouldn’t like. It sounds dark and at times extremely menacing. A distorted guitar grates over a barrage of scratches and samples. The singer has gravel tones that even Tom Waites would have to admire.

Lo-Fi Sci-Fi sounding blips and bleeps punctuate a mix of spaced out dance rhythms and pulsating beats. They’re well worth further ear damage and the thirty minutes fly by. The Skinny Millionaires take to the stage to a John Barry soundtrack, they launch into a rousing rock’n’roll instrumental full of Dwaine Eddie guitar twangs. “This is a public information announcement with guitars” Singer Dave Bickley hollers. The band then lunge into a captivatingly absorbing ‘Nick Cave, Henrys Dream’ inspired sounding set. It’s turning into a night to remember as Will from I’ Ludicrous pops in with some German friends to check out the action. Finally Anarchic Hand take to the stage. They are a young bunch and seem to be caught somewhere between a ‘Travis’ and a ‘Goth’ place. They have time on their side.

Friday 12th -Andy

It’s my night off and I’m in The Bull & Gate! sad or sadistic? I’ll let you decide. I’m here to check out Nero Burns . I arrive at nearly 11pm and he’s on stage. There are people in the audience with quiffs large enough to nest golden eagles. It’s The Cramps doing the Stray Cat Strut. They have a stand up drummer and play distorted rockabilly psycho blues, it rocks! I leave feeling like I’ve had a night out and not a late night at the office.

Saturday 13th -Andy

Submatrix are tonight’s openers and come from ooo aarrr Somerset. They brew up a scrumptious, high volume barrel of sonic pop. All those pent up cream teas certainly seem to have created a monster. They are blistering tonight and really set a high standard on the ‘do they rock?’ scale.

Experiences like Malowski come around sadly all too rarely. Try to imagine Fugazi playing Fall classics such as ‘Hip Priest’ or ‘Eat Yourself Fitter’ and throw in a bit of skate punk and your close. Stop, start tunes, rattling guitars, the song structures creek precariously close to breakdown and then..Whack! on go the pedals and we have lift off to planet extreme fuzz terror. There are some angry lyrics being thrown into the Malowski cauldron of hate, like Meths to a raging fire. They blaze furiously at tonight’s crowd and rather than leaving a warm glow they leave scorch marks.

The highlight of the Birdhouse set was when the guitarist broke a string and the drummer cracked a few jokes. Nevermind though because Dropsonic followed and raised the mood again with a rip roaring flying v style Indie rock set. Theres a dog in Brighton minus its studded collar tonight, its being worn by Dropsonics singer. They play to a good crowd and Winalotte of new friends tonight. Get it? Winalotte? No?, oh well perhaps I should learn a few side splitters from Birdhouse’s drummer.

Phil-

Do I get to meet anyone famous? There is usually a distinct lack of paparazzi huddling outside the b+g and this week was no exception. Nicole Kidman did, apparently, turn up at the barfly the other day.` hello love, didn’t you use to be in the BMX bandits?’

Tue 16th -Phil

Some older viewers may remember Nub, the very quiet / very loud band. They ‘ve mutated into The Seals and at first glance it appears an experiment in cloning. There’s loads of them, all singing, all guitar playing, all wearing tank tops and all looking like late Beach Boy Dennis Wilson. Strange forces are at work; someone in the audience is smoking a pipe grandad style. The heavy / light theme remains but there’s now more pop continuity.

August strip to the waist for some Welsh rock built on chuggy pixies bass. Then things get very odd. ` Single mother, single mother, I don’t want another brother’, signs of a troubled childhood may be? It’s Herman rocking at midpace. There’s a song `you drill a hole in my head’, possibly about trepanning. One to an imaginary friend, `Fuck off!’.`No, you fuck off!’ and a pants showing paddy. They all look like Noel Edmonds.

Wed 17th -Phil

More Tea Vicar? Perhaps not, there’s something funny in the water. Two of the audience get on stage for a `Chicken Tonight’ dance routine. Unfazed Leafeater take to the stage, a power trio in Don Estel’s shorts, with a large nod to the Wonder Stuff, the boys are here to entertain you. Babyfood serve up some eyeliner angst rock, then the pace mellows.

Kandinsky have drum solos, guitar solos and a packed auditorium, but rocking isn’t on the agenda. Virtuoso jazz pop remernisant of Joe Jackson is the order of the day; education is a marvellous thing.

Frith Oct We had a band called The Courtesy Group play a while back and everyone said Andy would love them. They played again on Thursday and when I get to the office the next day he’s got a pretty big grin on his face.

Sat 20th -Phil

Its indie in a bag from Remus. Empirical have a spars, mid west, wind swept style. It’s a considered sound with a distinct vocal delivery. A lady with a big voice and shadow boxer swerves belts it out over junk wax’s taut funk bass.

Ever wanted to be on top of the pops? Cribabi feature a chap from Fine Young Cannibals, a sprite like girl singer from Japan and some session muso types. May sound like a recipe for some mid morning talk show appearances, but they’re really on the money. Lots of knotty rhythms and unabashed showmanship. Sometimes entertainment’s all you need.

Tuesday 23 -Andy

Clare Sturgess always seems to be playing tunes by bands who’ve recently played at The B&G; just as I’m parking up outside the place! Black Nielson this time but I cant stop for a listen cause I’m late for Shadowfax its nearly 9 o’clock.

Panting for breath it takes me the duration of a song to recover from my hundred yard dash from outside The Forum and into the back room of the B&G;, must get round to joining the local gym. “Thankyou, goodnight, we were Shadowfax”

Bollix! Too late, sorry Shadowfax.

I retire for a short stint on the door with a kebab and a pint and wait for tonight’s second offering Lux. Tommy the pot man’s incessant ramblings about Arsenal’s stunning Champions League form drive me into the back room prematurely to be greeted by a quick burst of ‘Older Lover’ by The Fall on the mini disc player, there is a god. Complete with Lydia Lunch lookalike singer and hyper active pogoing snake charmer Lux bounce enthusiastically through some very up beat psychedelic punk pop.

The crowd swells a little and Arsenal are losing, there is definitely a god. If The Male Nurse who played the B&G; a year or two ago and were described as ‘early Fall meets late Fall round at mark E Smiths house in Edinburgh’ then tonight’s third act The Park are ‘Early Fall meets mid Fall, meets late Fall and all the bits in between round at Mark E Smiths house in Brighton. They are infact so close to a Fall tribute band that I thought they were playing ‘Lot Of Wind’ at one point.

The singer wore an MES type leather jacket and a Suicide T-shirt, obviously a man of immense taste. Funny old world, if we’d have promoted The Park as a Fall tribute band the venue may have been full. As it is it’s barely a quarter full. Wonder if Gods a Fall fan.

The German exchange are last and the crowd really has swelled now and the back room is busy with that ‘First gig air of uncertainty and expectancy’ hanging in the air. Mums, Dads, Uncles, Girlfriends, Great Grand Parents and lairy under age younger brothers now roam the building. Three out of tune guitars build up a head of steam accompanied by three wannabe lead singers. Bargain! two bands for the price of one, but one tiny flaw, they’re playing at the same time. They are a Siamese band in need of a minor op, nothing to serious just the severance of a guitarist or two and the odd singer. Arsenal get a jammy last minute goal to go through to the next stage of the Champions League, there can’t be a God after all, Pah!

Thursday 25th -Andy

Airglow are on stage and are fronted by an American sounding beauty in a dress made for a bit part on The Waltons. They drift through some vaguely 4AD sounding soft rock. I remember tonight’s bill as a carefully crafted promoting masterpiece about a month ago before a plague of limp wristed drummers, last minute .com holidays and irreparable short notice musical differences swept the booking sheet. Enter The Raconteurs. Thirty minutes of conventional 3-piece fretwork homework later and exit The Raconteurs.

Airman are third and play a set of energetic Placebo/Lemonheads type pop. Its racy and ramshackle and the singer looks like Dougie Howzer, maybe he could operate on The German Exchange.

Ciccone, who if memory serves me correctly were who tonight’s bill was originally built around amble on stage probably feeling a bit like a bunch of Millwall supporters at a CND rally. Ciccone play a sharp edged blend of nu-punk. Tonight their show resembles an infant throwing a tantrum in a playpen angrily tossing its toys over the sides until there are no more toys to abuse. Its loud, it’s out of control and its funny to whach.

Ciccone are anarchy for the prepubescent, punk rock with a hubba bubba snarl and stick on tattoos. The night ends with a feeling of what could have been and what should have been, oh well we can’t win ’em all, like bloody Arsenal.

Saturday 27th -Andy

And Its Fortuna Pop! night tonight with Natalie Imbruglia’s favourite Oz indie pop band The Lucksmiths headlining. Shame Natalie is’nt here, but nevermind, you can’t have everything. Fortuna Pop! nights often sell out and tonight is to be no exception. The doors are shut at about 9-30pm with Darren Hefner just sneaking in as the last Lucky Lucksmiths fan tonight.

I could just make out the sounds of Partition, distorted guitar and Pete Shelly sounding singer from my position on the door before the chattering masses swallowed any lingering sound seepage from the back room. It’s all hands on deck for a sell out show and I don’t get to see a single band.

I spend the evening handing out Roses (the chocolates that is) and Lucksmiths button badges to the disappointed late comers we have to turn away at the door. It’s a pleasant crowd on the whole and the night has a good vibe. I see faces from the past, bands I can’t place, Close Lobsters, The Chesterfields, Felt, 12, 13, 14 or was it 15 Ice Bears? All the types who seem to influence the Fortuna Pop! gang. For the record the bill was Partition, Slip Slide, Airport Girl and The Lucksmiths.

Phil –

It ‘s been a bit of an odd week, mysterious disappearances of bands, vanishing audiences, Halloween night went missing altogether. Some pumpkins did turn up on Sunday, the band were playing them.

Mon 29th -Phil

No one knows what happened to Porn Star, caught in a Bermuda band triangle may be? Ye Wiles manage to make the treacherous journey up from the nether reaches of Kent. Purveyors of spikey ska pop they augment their fidgety rhythms with flailing fiddle and dreadlocks. Bernard follow up with a weighty performance.

Imagine Portishead casting aside the film noir and getting Geezer Butler in on bass. Quite a frightening prospect, but a lot more pleasing than it sounds.